Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XII, Issue No. 5
March 15, 2009

Serving approximately 5,400 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:

PROM 2009

031509

My 12 year old daughter, Haley, has been working on designing
some crochet themed shirts that you may be interested in.

Crochet Shirt - So Much Yarn, So Little Time!
You can check them out here:
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore
She’s working on some additional designs so stay tuned.

cont.

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS

Dear Subscriber:

 

We now have a Twitter account.
Here's the URL if you would
like to be a "follower":

http://twitter.com/Crochetnmore

Crochet N More has received an award...

Shannon's Stitches & Gifts Award

Thanks Shannon !

 

 

 

Lisa and Tim

 

 

The Breast Cancer Site

 


PEN PAL?

If you would like to be added to the Crochet 'N' More Pen Pal list please send an email including the following:
Name, Email Address and Interests.
(For interests, please send General Information Only such as what types of things you enjoy crocheting, your favorite threads and/or yarns, etc. Please, no personal information such as age, marital status, snail mail address, etc., and limit your entry to 25-35 words.)


QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on The Crochet 'N' More Message Board and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

Please help me find a free pattern for COWBOY BABY BOOTIES.
I've made them before and had several copies laying around.
Now we have a new great-grandbaby boy and I bought the yarn, sat down to
crochet and can't find a one of them. The same pattern appeared on several
crochet sites last year, and now no one can locate a copy. All sites that i'm
referred to are not in existence anymore. I can't figure out from another
pair I made how I did it. It keeps going off track around the heel and toe areas.
So please if anyone can locate one and send it to me, ginnyroze@msn.com,
i'd be ever so greatful. Thank you all, Ginnyroze

 

ANSWER:

there is a free pattern on this link:

http://web.archive.org/web/20071127004818/http://hometown.aol.com/fourleafcl1064/page69.html

Char55

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


One Pair of Hands

 

For through the grace given to me I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. And since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let each exercise them accordingly; if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; if service, in his serving; or he who teaches in his teaching; or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness. Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give perference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and curse not. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Repect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. "BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS UPON HIS HEAD." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:3-21

If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there shall My servant also be; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

John 12:26

For you were called to freedom, brethren, only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "YOU SHALL LVOE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." But if you bite and devour one another, take care lest you be consumed by one another.

Galatians 5:13-15

 

"LOOKING TO THE NEEDS
OF OTHERS HONORS CHRIST."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - March, 2009 Issue.


Envy is
the art of counting the
other fellow's blessings
instead of your own.
Harold Coffin


"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst." Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


How many stones did David carry when he went out to face Goliath?

 

Click Here for the Answer

 

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

 

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

 


INDEX CARD HOLDER

 


EASTER HOTPAD

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following page is a list of uses of scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

 

 

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS


The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.

                 
SHANNON'S STITCHES AND GIFTS

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

 

Row Count 2015 Afghan Square Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT 2015
AFGHAN SQUARE

 

Row Count Shamrock Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
SHAMROCK COASTER

 

 

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

 
  Clearance Sale
   
 
Click here to see our growing collection of FREE PATTERNS  

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 




CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)



POPCORN STITCH (PC)
The standard popcorn stitch is worked as follows:
5 dc in next ch, drop lp from hook, insert hook in first st of 5-dc group,
pick up dropped lp, draw through st, ch 1.
Then you can pop the popcorn to the right or wrong side of the work as needed.

Click here for illustrated instructions

Hass Design has great video instructions... click here!

 

 

 

 

-----

ILLUSTRATED BASIC CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BEGINNER:

HOW TO DO A STARTING CHAIN

SINGLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

HALF DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

TRIPLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

This file is very informative when learning to crochet:
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf

 


CROCHET TIP


To keep your yarn from twisting, change the way you turn your work after you've completed each row - for example, turn your work clockwise after each even numbered row and turn it counterclockwise after each odd numbered row.

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ...

do you have number 67?

66. I have been making blankets for the local vets office, and for the humane society. I make them about 18 x 18 " , maybe a bit bigger or a tad smaller.They love them for the cages for animals recouping from surgery , or just to keep the cages warm. And they are so thankfull for these little blankets.
Rosa Brown.

 

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!

 


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter !


Hi Lisa! I am one of your crochet newsletter subscribers.
Are you on Twitter?
If you are, send me your Twitter URL so that I can follow you there.
Thanks! Clotilde

<< reply >>

Not until now... just signed up:
http://twitter.com/Crochetnmore


I just printed your crochet instructions for the dog sweater. I have 3 small dogs, 1 being a schnauzer. He probably weights around 18-20 lbs., my Benji type mutt weights 14 and my rat terrier weighs 13 lbs. Thanks for offering this pattern. Vera


Have been here a couple of times love the site,was looking for a pattern for a fan afghan not having much luck, Ican find some put you have to pay for them. and I cant do that right now.I do work for Cancer Awareness fro the Uninsured and I just feel in love with that pattern Thanks so much for have a site where we can come for free patterns it great.
Jane Sterling

<< reply >>

You're very welcome Jane.
Thank you so much for signing my Guestbook.

Here's a free Grandmother's Fan pattern:
http://www.knitting-crochet.com/crochet/grafanqui.html

Feel free to visit Crochet N More often and/or write anytime.


I really love this website. It gets people into God and crocheting. Thanks
Selena


love the variety!

Nita SinClair


I found this area by accident. It is special. I will visit more often
anoramaxsis


I am so impressed with this website and from Lisa! She is the most helpful person and honest person I have met on the web when it comes to assisting with a craft/crocheting that are bothersome. I appreciate it all very much and feel very blessed to be able to view the website daily for new and beautiful patterns w/o obligation. Thank you so much and God Bless all that have to do with this wonderful website. Joy Hamilton


RE: t-shirt and patterns

I'm always amazed when I visit your site. Thank you for sharing the wonderful patterns.
I haven't for awhile I guess, the t-shirt is adorable and I hope to someday purchase one. :-))
I was wondering if you allow people to sell the items made with your patterns if they include
a link to your site? Have a blessed day! Karen Real

<< reply >>

You're very welcome Karen.
I'm glad you enjoy your visits along with the patterns.
Thanks for the comment about the t-shirt... my daughter worked hard on that.

Yes... I do allow people to sell items made using my patterns.
Keep in mind that not all patterns on my site are my designs.
All I ask is the patterns not be sold and a link to my site with the item sold is very much appreciated.


I don't see any information of filet crochet; I would like to make a name doily with the date of wedding for our son's wedding gift. Any ideas? I have a book "Your Name & More" in filet crochet, but it has proven too difficult for me to use. I have only done 2 other things in filet crochet and understand the concept; but have no idea how to go about putting the name and date on a graph and then how would I put a border on it? If you can help I would appreciate it. Alice Fay

<< reply >>

Filet is one area of crochet I have yet to venture into.
You can purchase a pattern for a name doily here:
http://www.hassdesign.com/FiletCrochetDesigns/IP/FiletDoily/OvalDoilies/
But since you already have some skills in filet crochet you may be able to
use the alphabet graphed on this page:
http://www.vickidesigns.homestead.com/Alphabet.html
Good luck!


Hi my name is Claudia I don't know if you can, but I need help.
I am trying to do a crochet pattern, but there is a row I can't understand, please help.
It says: ch 11, sc in 2nd from hook, sc in next 8 chs, (sc,ch 2, sc) in last ch; working on opposite side of ch, sc in each ch across, turn (20 sc, 1 ch-2 sp).
The first part is clear (I think), but it is the last part especially the last parenthesis I don't get it.
If you can please explain all of it, just in case I am missing something.
Thank you very much Claudia

<< reply >>

>>ch 11, sc in 2nd from hook, sc in next 8 chs, (sc,ch 2, sc) in last ch;
Chain 11 Single crochet in the second chain from the hook.
Single crochet in each of the next 8 chains.
Work a single crochet, two chains and another single crochet all in the last chain.

>>working on opposite side of ch, sc in each ch across, turn (20 sc, 1 ch-2 sp).
Working on the opposite side of the chain (this is up the other side into the unworked loops)
Single crochet in each chain across.
Turn.
You should have 20 single crochet stitches and one chain 2 space when you finish.

Hope this helps.


Hi Lisa, I'm not real experienced with the reading of patterns and am confused with these, especially when it says all in ch-2 sp. Do you thing I can go somewhere where these directions would be written out or if you can I would really appreciate it.
Thanks Marcelle

I start this square with ch 4 and join with a sl st to form a ring. Rnd 1: ch 3, 2dc in ring, ch 2, [3dc in ring, ch2] 3 times; join with a sl st to top of ch-3.

Rnd 2: ch3, dc in next 2 dc, *(2 dc, ch 2, 2dc) all in ch-2 sp **, dc in next 3 dc; rep from * around, end at **; join.

Rnds 3-5: ch 3, [dc in each dc to corner, (2dc, ch 2, 2 dc) all in ch-2 sp] 4 times, dc in each dc to end; join - 19 sts between corner sps at end of Rnd 5. Fasten off.

<< reply >>

It's easier than you think... plain English is in bold:

>>I start this square with ch 4 and join with a sl st to form a ring.
>>Rnd 1: ch 3, 2dc in ring, ch 2, [3dc in ring, ch2] 3 times; join with a sl st to top of ch-3.
Chain 4, join with a slip stitch in the first chain made to form a ring.
Chain 3, work two double crochets in the ring (into the hole in the center)
Chain 2
Work three double crochets in the ring, chain 2
Work three double crochets in the ring, chain 2
Work three double crochets in the ring, chain 2
now join with a slip stitch in the top of the beginning chain 3.

>>Rnd 2: ch3, dc in next 2 dc, *(2 dc, ch 2, 2dc) all in ch-2 sp **,
>>dc in next 3 dc; rep from * around, end at **; join.
Chain 3.
Double crochet in each of the next two double crochets
*
work two double crochets, two chains and two more double crochets
all in the next chain 2 space (work the stitches into the hole beneath the two chains)
**
double crochet in each of the next three double crochets.

Now you repeat the instructions between the asterisk (*) and the two asterisks (**)
around and end at the double asterisks. Join with a slip stitch like before.

>>Rnds 3-5: ch 3, [dc in each dc to corner, (2dc, ch 2, 2 dc) all in ch-2 sp] 4 times,
>>dc in each dc to end; join - 19 sts between corner sps at end of Rnd 5. Fasten off.
Chain 3
double crochet in each double crochet till you get to the corner

work two double crochets, two chains and two more double crochets all in the chain 2 space
(remember, into the hole beneath the two chains)

work two double crochets, two chains and two more double crochets all in the chain 2 space
(remember, into the hole beneath the two chains)

work two double crochets, two chains and two more double crochets all in the chain 2 space
(remember, into the hole beneath the two chains)

work two double crochets, two chains and two more double crochets all in the chain 2 space
(remember, into the hole beneath the two chains)

double crochet in each double crochet to the end.
join
You should have 19 stitches between corner spaces at the end of round 5.
Fasten off.



Subject: scratch mitts

Hi, I got your online crochet pattern for scratch mitts from Crochet 'N' More: http://www.crochetnmore.com/babyscratchmitts.htm

I'm fairly good at crochet, but for the cuff, I cannot figure out the bit "Bpdc" around post of next dc- what exactly is Bpdc ? Thanks for your help. -Rhoda

<< reply >>

These are post stitches.

Here's how:
FRONT POST DOUBLE CROCHET
Yarn over, insert hook from the front side
of the work right to left around the post
of the indicated stitch on a previous row;
yo and pull up a loop (3 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (2 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (1 lp on hk)

BACK POST DOUBLE CROCHET
Yarn over, insert hook from the back side of the work right
to left around the post of the indicated stitch on a previous row;
yo and pull up a loop (3 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (2 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (1 lp on hk)

This link is helpful in explaining these stitches.
http://crochet.about.com/library/weekly/aa060797.htm

You can find these and many other stitch abbreviations and instructions on my Basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm


Hi. Would you mind if I made up a few collar covers and
donated them to a local rescue shelter to be sold at their fundraiser?
Thanks, Arlene Coleman

<< reply >>

You can make these to donate or sell.
All I ask is you don't sell the pattern.
Thanks for asking!


You had a bible sources website that I had in my in box and now I've lost it.
Would it be possible for you to send it to me so that I may read the Bible
on line from this website which is a great bible study website.
Thank you! Roberta Thomas

<< reply >>

Was it the Blue Letter Bible???
http://www.blueletterbible.org/index.cfm

<< Roberta's Reply >>

No it had a green and brown background. There were things to look up on the left side. I could put in a word and it would search for it thru the scriptures. Such as the word angel. Love, Roberta Thomas

<< my reply >>

I believe this is the one:
http://bibleresources.bible.com/bible_kjv.php


Subject: Puff_Stitch_Baby_Hat

Hi, I love this pattern and have enjoyed making it today as I learned some new stitches. I noticed that the picture shows two rows of puff stitches but yet the pattern stops after the Bpdc/Fpdc row. Am I missing something? I'm making this for a young unwed mother who right now needs a lot of love from us all. I'll probably make a couple of them for her with the matching booties. Thanks so much. Patty Jo King

<< reply >>

The hat only has one row of puff stitches.
The other row that looks puffy is actually the texture from the post stitches.


Subject: Puff_Stitch_Baby_Hat

Hi I think this is so cute-I need a hat for a 3-6 mon-her head
measures 15" in cirm.would this work with a bigger hook-any suggestions!
Thanks
Larob69

<< reply >>

I've never actually enlarged the puff stitch baby hat but you should be able to make a larger version by increasing your hook and/or yarn size. You can also add additional stitches evenly like we do in Round 4 throughout the hat. When that portion of the hat is large enough then you can continue beginning with the puff stitch round (round 18). As long as you end up with an even number of stitches after R20 then R21 should work out ok.


Dear Friend, do you have a pattern for Pineapple that I could make into a shawl. Thanks Mary

<< reply >>

You can find a free Pineapple Shawl pattern on this page:
http://www.caron.com/projects/ss_eco/sseco_pineapple_shawl.html


I am looking for a pattern of an afghan that is work in panels with popcorn stictches.
McTizicT

<< reply >>

Here's a free pattern for a "crochet a popcorn diamond afghan" which is worked in panels:
http://www.allfreecrafts.com/crochet/popcorn-afghan.shtml


I'm looking for the cancer ( pink) ribbon design. I want to crochet a pillow or throw for our Shawl Ministry leader who just revealed to us that she has early stage breast cancer and will have surgery soon. Are you aware of any such pattern? Another member sent me a pattern for a knitted washcloth with the pattern, but I only crochet. Please e-me if you can help.
Thanks, Kathy Branch
Richmond, VA

<< reply >>

You can use my square pattern:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/rowcountbreastcancerribbonafghansquare.htm
I dedicated this pattern to my Mom... she's a breast cancer survivor.
I'm sorry to hear your friend has breast cancer.
The square isn't very big... only around 7-1/2"... you can make a pillow using four squares for each side.
A throw can be made using how many squares you decide upon.


RE: Toddler Hat

Hope you can help. A while back I saw a pattern somewhere for a toddler hat w/floppy bunny ears. Have you seen it anywhere? I have a customer that would die for it; she's a really bunny lover and buys all my toddler hats. Thanks in advance, Marie

<< reply >>

You can purchase a pattern from Annie's Attic called:
    Cozy Critter Hats & Mittens for Kids Pattern Pack http://www.anniesattic.com/crochet/detail.html?prod_id=23418

OR...
use your favorite hat pattern and add bunny ears.
I made this pattern for a headband but they could just as easily be sewn to a hat:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/bunnyears.htm


RE: Dog Patterns

Hi, I just wanted to email you and tell you that I LOVE LOVE your website. I don’t know who your models are but they are such little troopers. I just enjoyed seeing them all. I am also a dog-lover and have 2 American Eskimos...who will not wear sweaters, but I crochet dog sweaters and give to the various animal shelters in the Houston area, or give them as gifts. The pattern I have is one I got from a book years ago, and it has the holes for the legs, but your pattern is much better and easier.... Thank you again --- Linda Ingle


RE: Oval Info Needed

My name is Suzanne and I am intrested in information about the formula or instructions to crochet an oval.
I have the size and width worked out, but I want to make sure this project lays flat. *** Thank you
for your help. God Bless, Suzanne

<< reply >>

Here's a tutorial on crocheting an oval:
http://crochet.about.com/library/weekly/aa100299.htm


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !

Click Here for Your Chance to Win!

 

 


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy ?

Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,400 crafters...


Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.

 


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~


Threads N Stitches

cont.


Got a baby shower coming up?
Want to give that special baby girl a handmade gift ?

Purchase this knitted basketweave baby afghan!
It's large enough to be used even when the baby becomes a toddler !
* Click here for details *

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

 

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.

 


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm

Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


 

Get your copy of Diane England's
"Cute Crochet for Kids" :

 

 

 


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.

Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns used in the patterns.
One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super easy to substitute other yarns if you want to.
For those who stay strictly to the recommended yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list.
The projects are very fashionable and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


 

=====================================================

Country Village Mall


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood! Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at

7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR


Crotoon - Wisdom

 

 

SIGNS

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."


I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.


After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery. While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate frosting over a freshly baked cake. When it was over, my husband turned to me.

"Did you ever notice," he asked, "that they never advertise celery on TV?"


A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher.
"These students are the ones I want to talk to.
There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."


When the preacher approached the young boy who was fishing in the park pond, he said, "Do you know the parables?" "Yes Sir!!" the Lad quickly replied. "Which do you like the best?"

The boy looked up, and said with a big grin, "The one where everybody loafs and fishes!"


Our three year-old Granddaughter, Audrey, had just been through an episode of potty training by her Mom, who expressed concerns about her slow progress. Audrey, somewhat tired of the process, turned to her Mother and asked: "Can't we forget the potty training and just be friends?"


An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for "behavior modification reinforcers."

The principal saw the item and asked, "What on earth are those?"

"Lollipops," the teacher explained.


A third grade teacher was getting to know her pupils on the first day of school. She turned to one little girl and asked, "What does your Daddy do?"

The girl replied, "Whatever my Mommy tells him to do."


When my now 14-year-old daughter was 3 and her younger brother was getting into everything, she asked, "Mommy, can we put him back, now?"

Deciding to take this opportunity as a teaching moment in how siblings should treat each other, I explained to her that we could not put him back - that her brother was a gift from God.

She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and responded, "I understand, Mommy. God didn't want him either."


Two men went fishing. One man was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back. The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing this man waste good fish.

"Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked.

The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan."


An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any real interest in his paintings which had been on display for the previous few weeks.

'I have good news and bad news, 'the owner replied.
'The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 17 of your paintings.' '

That's wonderful, absolutely marvelous', the artist exclaimed.
'What's the bad news?'

'The buyer was your doctor.'


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