Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XII, Issue No. 13
July 15, 2009

Serving approximately 5,500 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:

 New t-shirt design

   " I Love www.Crochetnmore.com "

 I Love www.crochetnmore.com T-Shirt
Buy yours today!
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore.386564863#

cont.

Plus Size Dresses

Shopping for a plus size dress?
Sydneyís Closet offers you the largest selection of
trendy plus size dresses in
sizes 14 to 44 in stock and ready to ship.
Discover styles that fit and flatter every figure!

cont.

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS

Dear Subscriber:

 

PLEASE READ:
As many of you know, I receive numerous emails asking for help finding patterns and/or with pattern language that may be confusing the writer(s). To help explain pattern language I write out the pattern in what I call "Plain English". In no way do I mean the phrase "Plain English" to be degrading to the writer. All I mean by that is that I am writing the pattern out without using any crochet abbreviations. I apologize if this phrase has offended any of you. If anyone has a better way for me to say this please email me.

 

A Big Thank You for prayers sent up on behalf of Haley and Sasha.
Both had their wisdom teeth removed on Tuesday, July 7th and a follow-up checkup on July 13tth. Both are doing fine.

 

Cool Game: Circle the Cat

 

Lisa and Tim

 

 

The Breast Cancer Site

 


PEN PAL?

If you would like to be added to the Crochet 'N' More Pen Pal list please send an email including the following:
Name, Email Address and Interests.
(For interests, please send General Information Only such as what types of things you enjoy crocheting, your favorite threads and/or yarns, etc. Please, no personal information such as age, marital status, snail mail address, etc., and limit your entry to 25-35 words.)


QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on The Crochet 'N' More Message Board and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

Re: NFL crochet afghan patterns

I am looking for two nfl football patterns for blankets. either knit pattern or crochet patterns.
Also NY Yankee blanket pattern. also either knit or crochet.
Please help...... thank you
Maria T. Callari

ANSWER:

You'll find free downloadable graphs for NFL & MLB teams at this link:
www.donnascrochetshoppe.com
Char55

 

QUESTION:

RE: washington redskin afghan pattern for single crochet

I am looking for a afghan pattern for a blanket of the washington redskins. I want to make it for my daughter and son in law.
angie

ANSWER:

http://www.donnascrochetshoppe.com/patterns_football.html
Check here, think they are free!

Shaddy

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


TRUE LOVE
(SHMILY)


A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; even as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

John 13:34-35

 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:4-6

 

For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15

 

"GOD'S LOVE NEVER FAILS."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - July, 2009 Issue

 


Welcome to the Prayer Garden
sent in by Ann Guidry


"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst." Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


Who was the son of Shaphat?

 

Click Here for the Answer

 

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

 

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

Row Count Breast Cancer Ribbon Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
BREAST CANCER RIBBON
COASTER

 

Row Count "E" Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
"E" COASTER

 

 

FASHION DOLL SUNDRESS
Instructions for Straps added!

 

 

The following page is a list of uses of scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

 

 

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS


The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.

 

WEEKEND KITS

 

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.


 

Row Count "F" Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
"F" COASTER

 

 

Row Count "G" Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
"G" COASTER

 

 

 

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

 
  Clearance Sale
   
 
Click here to see our growing collection of FREE PATTERNS  

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 




CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


DOUBLE TREBLE (DTR)

Yarn over three times, then insert your hook into the stitch or space indicated.
Yarn over and pull up a loop. (You should have five loops on your hook.)
Yarn over and draw through two loops. (You should have four loops on your hook.)
Yarn over and draw through two loops. (You should have three loops on your hook.)
Yarn over and draw through two loops. (You should have two loops on your hook.)
Yarn over and draw through two loops.

Click here for video
Courtesy of HassDesign.com.

 

 

 

 

-----

ILLUSTRATED BASIC CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BEGINNER:

HOW TO DO A STARTING CHAIN

SINGLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

HALF DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

TRIPLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

This file is very informative when learning to crochet:
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf

 


CROCHET TIP


Butterfly Dishcloth
(makes a great gift)

Twist a pipe cleaner around the center of a dishcloth snuggly,
shaping the ends to look like antennae.
It will make it look like a butterfly.

Now add a poem:

I'm a little butterfly,
too cute, as you can see.
I'm here to make your kitchen bright,
if you will set me free.

So let me make life easier
this is one of my wishes.
Take the pipe cleaner from my middle,
so I can help you do your dishes.

 

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ...

 

do you have number 69?

 

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!

 


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter !


RE: Emma's Baby Booties Pattern

This is a really cute Bootie that I have been trying to crochet, but with little success. Need to knit two pair for coming twin baby girls. There are no photos or directions for the term, 'Turn.' There is no indication of the 'shape' one is trying to crochet. There are no pictures for the shapes of the sole, heel, toe, or some description of how this bootie is constructed, or the method. Photos or Diagrams are what I need to see. Are there any? I have made many items from online patterns; although I am not an expert, there are many eliminated instructions in this pattern. If there are photos of the steps, diagrams, etc., please email me
M.Coleman
Many Thanks!

<< my reply >>

This is a really cute Bootie that I have been trying to crochet, but with little success. Need to knit two pair for coming twin baby girls.
thanks

There are no photos or directions for the term, 'Turn.'
to turn... you turn the project over so you can work back across the row you just completed.

There is no indication of the 'shape' one is trying to crochet. There are no pictures for the shapes of the sole, heel, toe, or some description of how this bootie is constructed, or the method.
There is no "construction" for this pattern except for weaving in a tie.

Photos or Diagrams are what I need to see. Are there any?
no, sorry, maybe this will help...

The pattern is worked in sections but it's all in one piece, the
pattern requires you to fasten off but the next section will be worked
by rejoining the yarn.

Here's the pattern explained in Plain English
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
** MAKE 2 **
SOLE
R1: Chain 6, single crochet in second chain from the hook. Single crochet in each remaining chain. (you should have 5 singles when this round is finished)
R2: Chain 1, turn. Work two single crochets in the same stitch. Single crochet in each of the next 3 stitches. Work two single crochets in the last stitch. (7single crochets when finished)
R3: Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in each stitch. (7single crochets when finished)
Rs4-11: Repeat instructions for Round 3 for each of these rows.
R12: Chain 1, turn. Work a single crochet decrease over the next two stitches. Single crochet in each of the next 3 stitches.
Work a single crochet decrease over the last two stitches. Edging: Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in each stitch and in each row end around entire piece. (36sc)
Fasten off and mark as right side.

HEEL
R1: With Right Side facing, working in back loops only. Reattach yarn in the center stitch on Right Side of sole. (7 stitches back from the original fasten off point) Single crochet around to same point on opposite side. (19single crochet stitches when finished)
R2: Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in each stitch.
Rs3-4: Repeat instructions for R2.
R5: Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in first stitch. (Chain 1, skip the next single crochet, single crochet in the next single crochet) around [around means you repeat the instructions in the parentheses over and over to the end].
R6: Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in ea single crochet and chain 1 space (the chain 1 space is the hole below the chain you made on the previous row.
R7: (Chain 3, single crochet in the next stitch) around. Fasten Off.

TOE
R1: With left side of bootie facing you, reattach yarn in the Back Loop only of the first unworked stitch on the sole edging. Chain 1, single crochet in the Back Loop of each stitch around.
R2: Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in each stitch.
R3: Chain 1, turn. (Single crochet in the same stitch. Single crochet decrease over 2 stitches) across.
R4: Repeat R3.
R5: Chain 1, turn. Slip stitch in the same stitch. Chain 3. Slip stitch in the stitch on other end of same round. (this forms a little hole on the top of the toe). Chain 4, slip stitch in the same stitch.
Fasten Off.

FINISHING
Weave ribbon through the holes on R5 of Heel, bring each end of the ribbon through the chain 4 loop on each side of the toe, draw up and tie in a bow.
------------------------------------------------------

<< M. Coleman's Reply >>

Whoever you are..........you certainly do NOT have the need to be RUDE and ARROGANT.
Obviously, the person who wrote these instructions certainly did NOT want anyone to succeed in making the booties.

THERE SHOULD BE A SHAPE AND A SIZE OF A FINISHED SOLE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, THIS INFORMATION IS PERTINENT.

FURTHER, THE SHAPES OF THE SIDES AND HEEL ARE NECESSARY.

THE PATTERN IS TERRIBLE AND THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE RIDICULOUS. PEOPLE ARE NOT MIND- READERS.

YOU REFUSED TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS.

THIS IS IN PLAIN ENGLISH. HOPE YOU GET IT THIS TIME.
YOU ARE RUDE AND INSULTING.

HERE'S MY COMPLAINT EXPLAINED IN PLAIN ENGLISH.

<< my reply >>

I designed this pattern myself and in no way did I intend
to sound "rude and arrogant".
I made the pattern in hopes of helping others,
like myself, who have had no success making
bootie patterns that are in multiple pieces.

By the phrase "plain english", all I mean is
the instructions are written out... instead of
in crochet terms. I'm truly sorry that insulted
you. I do hope you find a bootie pattern you
enjoy, and I'm sorry you feel that way about mine.


Re: dishcloth pattern

recently you had a pattern for an easy crochet dishcloth. i cannot remember the name of it but after the pattern you also posted corrections. it was one of your patterns. i do remember that you started with 42 chains. i printed the pattern and after making two i lost the pattern can you help me by sending the link to the pattern. i have searched your site with no success. thank you jeanette

<< reply >>

I believe you are referring to the Cross Hatch Dishcloth:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/crosshatchdishcloth.htm
Hope you enjoy the pattern!


RE: Hi from OZ

I would like to say that I have enjoyed visiting your site and will do more of it in the future. You have done a marvellous job with it and I just love the patterns and thankyou so much for the free ones. I was wondering if the Áhat' was still operating as I don't seem to be able to log onto it. It keeps coming up as a broken link. I lok forward to joining your community of crotchets and to learn more about crocheting. Its taken a long time to find a site that I feel comfortable with and easy to manage. I did have problems clicking on the 'Pets" link but think its my computer. God Bless you all with Gods love all is possible. And if I may sign off by saying, (please let me know if this is acceptable to you as some Christians do not like the term Your Sister in The Lord) Your Sister in The Lord Lori Marshall & Aleisha (My German Shephard lol)

<< reply >>

I'm glad you enjoyed visiting my site and that you are enjoying the free patterns.
Thanks for letting me know I still had a "chat" link on there... no it doesn't work any longer.
Hope I don't have any more links to it anywhere.

The "pets" page comes up ok for me.
Your Sister in the Lord is perfectly fine... thanks!


RE: Hi, your afghan patterns

I'm a big fan of your website, I love the patterns.
I thought I would show you something I created with a couple of your patterns,
I also incorporated some of my own.

Hope you like it - Phoebe

<< reply >>

Thanks for the photos Phoebe.
I'm glad you are enjoying some of the patterns I have listed.
Your afghan is adorable!


RE: Feedback 061509 (Re: BasicsPage)

Dear Lisa - Thank you so o o much for your help.
I'm on my way with my project now, thanks to you !
The stars had me utterly confused.

Bye for now & God Bless Barbara


Re: Help with Dog Pattern Please

Hello... I sure hope you can help me..... I've started making sweaters for a friend from your pattern for her naked cats..... I don't have access to the cats, they live far away from me.... My friend is moving to a cold climate this month with her pets and asked me to make the sweaters. She measured the cats. They are 12" around the belly.... They still have a little growing to do..... When I crochet the chain plus an extra inch, the circumference seems to get bigger as I crochet the rows for the belly part.... like from 12" around from chain to 14" around with about 6 rows finished. I've torn it out many times.... What am I doing wrong??? It's hard making them with no cat or dog model.... I'm also making 3 other sweaters for her Chi's. Thanks for any help you can give me. I appreciate it! GBU! Sincerely, Dawn Diehl

<< reply >>

It sounds like you may be adding extra stitches as you go.
Try counting your stitches after each row/round.

The most common place that I've found for extra stitches to magically appear is in the beginning or end of each row. Since the first part of the dog sweater pattern is worked in rounds this can be tricky.

When you chain 2 before beginning a new round...be sure you only place one half double crochet in each half double crochet. You should end up with the same number of stitches on rounds 1-12.

The best advice I can give you is.. each half double crochet looks like a little fence post... as long as you have one fence post on top of each fence post your count should be fine.

<< Dawn's Reply >>

Thank you so much for getting back to me right away.... I went back and checked my work and found it had the correct number of stitches. So, I will continue on making the sweaters and mail them off.... If they are to big/small, I'll try again...... My friend likes your pattern and it seems the easiest of most patterns I looked at.... I love viewing the photos of pets with their sweaters on.... It helps looking at them when I have no pets to try on with..... Thanks again.... GBU! Dawn Diehl

<< my reply >>

You're very welcome Dawn. If the stitch count is correct... your tension may be to blame.
Try beginning with one hook size and after a couple of rows switch to a smaller hook.
That may elimiate the problem.


RE: Dishcloth Edgings

I would like a pattern for crocheting around a regular face cloth or washcloth. I donít know if I need to make the edging and sew it on or I can crochet into the cloth. I would prefer crocheting into the cloth in the manner of edging a flannel blanket. Would poking holes around the washcloth ruin the cloth? Help me. Any suggestions appreciated. Lynda

<< reply >>

I think that would be the best way to add an edging is to crochet it directly onto the cloth.
Poking holes around a cloth doesn't hurt the fabric as long as no threads are broken in the process.
You can make the holes with a small crochet hook, by using a sewing machine without thread on a long stitch or with any other pointed item such as an ice pick.

You can find numerous styles of edging patterns linked on this page:
http://www.crochetpatterncentral.com/directory/edgings.php


RE: Reading Directions

Hi, my name is Carol Blue. I did a lot of crocheting years ago making ripple afghans from minimal directions. My daughter is pregnant and I have directions for a "beginners" ripple baby afghan. Please help me with these instructions:Dc2tog Row 1 (right side): Dc in 4th ch from hook, dc2tog,*dc in next 5 ch [2 dc in next ch] twice, dc in next 5 dc **, [dc2tog] twice: rep from * to last 4 ch, end at **; dc2tog, dc in last 2 ch; turn--100sts. I am not sure how to DC2tog. Please help. I hope to get this afghan done before March. Thanks, Carol Blue

<< reply >>

Dc2tog (double crochet two together) is a decrease stitch that is worked over the next two crochet stitches.

Here's how:
Work a double crochet in the next stitch without completing the very last step (leave the last two loops on the hook),
then double crochet in the next stitch without completing the last step. You should have three loops on the hook
then yarn over and draw through all the loops. Decrease made.

You can find this and many other stitch abbreviations and instructions on our Crochet Basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm

 


RE: Clothespin Bag

I wanted to thank you for the pattern... I made this bag last night and just used it to hang my clothes.
Not only is it adorable, but it is the best clothespin bag ever!

Clothespin Bag Free Crochet Pattern

It stays open for easy access and is so cheerfull!
I made mine with a mix of white sugar and cream cotton and Red Heart kids in hot pink.

Thanks so much! Nanette Warn


RE: Fashion Doll Sun Dress

Hi The dress is easy as you said ,my only problem is how to do the straps. I didn't find them with the pattren. Thank You, for sharing your talent with us. Liz

<< reply >>

STRAPS:
The straps are worked with chain stitches. Join the thread on one end of Row 1, make enough chains to reach over the doll's shoulder to the back of the dress and join with a slip stitch (position shown in photo). Repeat on the opposite side.


RE: Fashion Doll Sun Dress

Hi from Germany! My name is Ines and Iíve tried out your nice and simple Barbie dress, itís really sweet! I hope that I soon will find my good old Barbie to try it on; afterwards Iíll make a few more of this dress, in different colors and give them all to my 10-year old nieceís birthday, she will surely love them! Iím sorry to tell you that youíve forgotten to describe how to make the haltersÖ Now Iím sitting here, thinking about how youíve made them, if youíve made them with single crochets or just with chains, and how many and so onÖ. Could you please write me back so that Iíll know how to work them? Thank you in advance and looking forward to your answer, Ines

<< reply >>

STRAPS:
The straps are worked with chain stitches. Join the thread on one end of Row 1, make enough chains to reach over the doll's shoulder to the back of the dress and join with a slip stitch (position shown in photo). Repeat on the opposite side.


Am I missing something? I don't see any instructions for the shoulder straps on this dress. I am almost finished crocheting the dress and I guess I will have to improvise for the straps. I will be eagerly awaiting for a response, my Great Grandaughter asked me to make her doll a dress and I promised her that I would, so any help would be appreciated. Thanks Barbara

<< reply >>

STRAPS:
The straps are worked with chain stitches. Join the thread on one end of Row 1, make enough chains to reach over the doll's shoulder to the back of the dress and join with a slip stitch (position shown in photo). Repeat on the opposite side.


Re: Fashion_Doll_Apron

Hi there, I was wondering if your patterns are for the old body style barbie or the new one. Thanks so very much! God bless, Ramona

<< reply >>

I didn't realize the doll sizes varied very much.
I used one of the older Barbies for many of my patterns... the kind that still had the bendable legs.


Re: Dog Sweater Pattern

Hi Lisa I am wanting to use your pattern to crochet doggie jackect for our local dog schelter.
Can you please tell me what is an Hdc that is in your pattern?
Kind regards Delise Joubert South Africa

<< reply >>

HDC is a Half Double Crochet.
A half double crochet is worked as follows:
Yarn over and insert your hook into the stitch or space indicated, yarn over again and pull up a loop.
(You should have three loops on your hook.)
Yarn over again and draw through all three of the loops on the hook.


Hiya over there in ???, sorry not sure which country youre in lol. But anyhow youhave a wonderful well set out site and just love your many patterns, especially the dog ones. Im going to make a start to make dog coats with my first love of arts & crafts and that would be Crotchet. My Grandma taught me when i was little and I just love it. Ive been looking for a basic pattern and was so pleased to have found this site. Your little Hayley is just as pretty as a picture, a real sweetie. God Bless you all Lori ( I'm a kiwi living in Oz)

<< reply >>

Thank you so much for signing my Guestbook.
I live in the United States... thanks for the nice comments.
Feel free to visit Crochet N More often and/or write anytime.


Re: The Dog House

I love this pattern, thk you soo much for posting it, I'm a beginner but getting really good,
here is a picture of my Onyx

Crochet Dog Sweater Pattern

wearing the Sweater I made (1hr. 1/2) following your pattern.
The sweater was a pattern I used by linda (link on your page),
her dog Binky was wearing the beige sweater, I jus made it
a little longer and added the pom-poms.

thk you again!
Kenya

 


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !

Click Here for Your Chance to Win!

 

 


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy ?

Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...


Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.

 


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~


CREATIVE TERESA

My Etsy sales are used to make angels for Angels For Hope.
Approximate cost $2.00/angel for supplies/postage.
Angels are free for anyone that request them from the AFH website.

071509-083009


 

Threads N Stitches

cont.


         New t-shirt design

   " I Love www.Crochetnmore.com "

            Buy yours today!

I Love www.crochetnmore.com T-Shirt

http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore.386564863#

cont

.

You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

 

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm

Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


 

Get your copy of Diane England's
"Cute Crochet for Kids" :

 

 

 


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.

Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns used in the patterns.
One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super easy to substitute other yarns if you want to.
For those who stay strictly to the recommended yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list.
The projects are very fashionable and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


 

=====================================================

Country Village Mall


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood! Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at

7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



Crotoon-Babysitter


A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday the minister asked for a show of hands to indicate how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."


Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,
'Take a clean dish and...'"


A pharmacy major was taking a course in Dispensing. One day they were discussing the various labels affixed to prescription containers, such as, "Take with food," and "Take with water."
At the end of class, the professor passed out a few sample labels.
Days later he noticed that one member of the class had stuck one of them onto his chemistry textbook.
It read: "Caution: May cause extreme drowsiness."


John, a neighbor of mine, was annoyed because he had to search for his newspaper each morning after the paperboy tossed it. Often he would find it, covered with dirt, under the car in the gravel driveway. Then one-day the paperboy's mother mentioned that her son's ambition was to play professional basketball.

John had an idea. When he got home, he attached a basketball hoop to a post on the front porch. Sure enough, the next morning there was a resounding "plunk" as the newspaper sailed through the hoop and landed by the door.

John never had to search for his paper again.


While working at Baskin-Robbins, I helped a woman, who was full of questions about the flavors and types available, pick out an ice-cream cake. As I was boxing it up for her, she had one last question:

"How long do I bake this?"


A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.

"Professionally employed?" he asked.

"We're a military family," the wife answered.

"Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.

"Animals?"

"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."


George had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So George went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
That night, George slept well and, in fact, beat the alarm in the morning.
He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.
"Boss", he said. "The pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"

"That's fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"


Legend has it that a certain college philosophy professor asked one question on his final exam. He picked up a chair, put it on his desk and wrote on the board... "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

The students dug deep and wrote like crazy for the whole exam period, some of them churning out thirty pages of heady philosophical debate and logic. But only one student earned an A and he wrote for only a few seconds.

His paper read in full, "What chair?"


Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him. Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor. Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he crawled to the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello?"

The voice on the other end asked, "Is your name Speedy Morris?"

"Yes," he replied.

Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated."


Little Johnny had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his mother's patience was wearing thin.
"If I hear you call 'Mother' one more time, you will be punished," she warned him sternly.

For a while it was quiet, and then she heard a small voice call from the top of the stairs,
"Mrs. Jones? Can I have a drink of water?"


In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it.

The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."

"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

"How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was afraid he was going to ask if the stupid lantern was lit!"


 

 

Review Crochetnmore at Mamasource
Preview Parenting Advice at Mamasource!

Google
Web Crochet 'N' More

 


SUBSCRIBE: if you've already receive this newsletter you do not need to subscribe again.
UNSUBSCRIBE: only do this if you don't enjoy our newsletter :o(

 

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE

CROCHET 'N' MORE HOME PAGE