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Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XV, Issue No. 3
February 15, 2012

Serving approximately 6,000 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

 

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or
Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you
would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:


See more styles at
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore

co

cont

How to Start
a Tutoring Business

cont.

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS


 

Dear Subscriber:

We hope you had a...

 

We are still making changes around CNM.

Don't forget... if you have any suggestions on ways to improve the
Crochetnmore website please let us know.

 

 

Don't forget... video suggestions appreciated :0)
Email me your video suggestion.


 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
New Crocheters
Click Here:
Learn to Crochet: A Beginner's Guide

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I have added more videos since our last issue.
Take a look at our YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/crochetnmore

Visit our Blog:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/crochetblog/

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Lisa and Tim

The Breast Cancer Site

QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on
The Crochet 'N' More Message Board

and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

RE: reading crochet pattern

I am crocheting a "table rug" and one of the instructions is (Sc in next 4 sts, sc in st beneath next st) I'm not sure what "sc in st beneath next st" means. Please help.
Jeanne

 

ANSWER:

I believe the designer wants you to make a long single crochet stitch "one row below".
Watch this video and see if this seems like what your pattern calls for:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcqHQarUfG8

Lisa Hamblin
CNM/MBA

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT



"In contentment and joy are found the
height and perfection of all love towards our neighbor."
~~ William Ames ~~


"For this reason I say to you, do not be anxious for your life, as to what you shall eat, or what you shall drink; nor for your body, as to what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and tthe body than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span? And why are you anxious about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory did not clothe himself like one of these. But if God so arrays the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more do so for you, O men of little faith? Do not be anxious then, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'With what shall we clothe ourselves?' For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:25-34

But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith, and pierced themselves with many apang.

1 Timothy 6:6-10

 

Let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5

 

The Lord is righteous in all His ways, and kind in all His deeds. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. The Lord keeps all who love Him; but all the wicked, He will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord; and all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever.

Psaml 145: 17-21

 

 

"TRUE CONTENTMENT IS NOT DEPENDENT
ON ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD ."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - February 2012 Issue


Check out the E-votions blog:

http://www.e-votions.com/


 

Be careful the environment you choose, for it will
shape you; be careful the friends you choose, for
you will become like them.  - W. Clement Stone


"For where two or three have gathered
together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


Who made an axe head float?

 

Click Here for the Answer

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

 

Cable Scarf Crochet Pattern
CABLE SCARF

Cable Hat Crochet Pattern
CABLE HAT

 

LACY SUMMER SCARF
Reworded Row 3.

 

 

 


NEW LINKS

The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.


 

None at this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

Check out all of our free crochet patterns.

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

Clearance Sale



CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


HUMP OF THE CHAIN (No standard abbreviation)

Each chain has a top loop, a bottom loop and a "hump" on the back of the chain.
The hump of the chain is also known as the "back ridge".

Click here for YouTube video

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf


CROCHET TIP


If you are a beginning crocheter, choose a small project like a bookmark or a dishcloth so you can have the satisfaction of finishing a project quickly. Then once you have mastered the stitches and skills needed to complete a few small projects... advance to a larger project like a doily, an afghan or even a sweater.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ... do you have number 90?

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter!


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

I am trying to make the baby's abc afghan but I'm having
trouble following the pattern, is there any way to buy the original pattern ?
Rosario Rubalcava

Comments:

I'm not aware of the pattern being offered for sale... it was originally on a yarn label and I obtained permission to post it. What is giving you trouble... I'm making one right now myself?
Crochetnmore

-------
Counting the stitches, the blocks are so small, I made one a couple of years ago from that label but can't find it.
Rosario Rubalcava

-------
Try this copy of the graph: http://www.crochetnmore.com/babysabcsafghangraphpix-lg.jpg
I made this one twice as large... let me know if prints out larger for you.
Crochetnmore
-------

Thank you so much, it came out really nice. Really appreciate your help.
Rosario Rubalcava

-------
You're very welcome... glad that worked for you. I'm making one in different colors... which has been quite a challenge :)
Crochetnmore

-------
I was thinking of doing it in different colors also for my niece, she is a school teacher, but I figured it would be a challenge also, so it's now in progress in an off white baby soft yarn, it is looking beautiful. Thank you so much
Rosario Rubalcava
-------
I plan on showing the afghan I'm making and let you see how I divided the colors... keep watching :)
Crochetnmore
-------
I would love to see it, maybe then I will try it.
Rosario Rubalcava


 

Re: Dolphin_Afghan_Square

How do I purchase the dolphin—afghan—square, I saw the pattern on the web
but I didn't know if it is complete for the dolphin please let me know if I
need to purchase.
Lynn

<< reply >>

The pattern for the dolphin afghan square is free:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/dolphinafghansquare.htm

The completed afghan photo on the pattern page was sent in
by a viewer. You can make your afghan using as many squares
as you want and add your favorite border.

 


Thanks for the English version on how to read crochet pattern.

Please explain the following in English:
Rows 10 -21: Rep Rows 4 and 9 twice - 23 shells.

Thank you,

Joy

<< reply >>

You’re welcome.

>>Please explain the following in English:
>>Rows 10 -21: Rep Rows 4 and 9 twice - 23 shells.
The way this is written you would alternate row 4 and row 9 for rows 10-21.
However....

If this is in reference to this pattern?
http://yarnimagination.lionbrand.com/patterns/81085AD.html?noHTML=1

Rows 10-21: Rep Rows 4-9 twice - 23 shells.

means you repeat rows 4 through 9 two times.,, like this:
Row 10 – repeat Row 4
Row 11 – repeat Row 5
Row 12 – repeat Row 6
Row 13 – repeat Row 7
Row 14 – repeat Row 8
Row 15 – repeat Row 9

Row 16 – repeat Row 4
Row 17 – repeat Row 5
Row 18 – repeat Row 6
Row 19 – repeat Row 7
Row 20 – repeat Row 8
Row 21 – repeat Row 9

Hope this helps.


Re: Stitch Question - Open Edge Dishcloth

Hello, i am croqueting the open edge dishcloth.
I have a question about the pattern.
In R4 is the chain 4 stitch not counted when you skip next stitch? I double crocheted in actually the third SC because i do not count the chain 4 sc as the first stitch.
In R3 at the end of the row i SC in ch1 space and my last sc is in the top of third chain of the chain 4. is that right?
there are 35 stitches in the rows.
At the end do you reverse sc in the space of the dc row end?
thank you, bonnie roeper

<< reply >>

>>> In R4 is the chain 4 stitch not counted when you skip next stitch?
>>> I double crocheted in actually the third SC because i do not count the chain 4 sc as the first stitch.
That is correct... skip the stitch the 4 chains come up from and the next stitch... placing the first sc in the 3rd stitch.

>>>In R3 at the end of the row i SC in ch1 space and my last sc is in the top of third chain of the chain 4. is that right?
Yes

>>> there are 35 stitches in the rows.
Yes

>>> At the end do you reverse sc in the space of the dc row end?
For the Edge you work Rev Sc sts around the entire cloth by placing 2 RevScs in each corner
1RevSc in each sc row end and 2RevScs in each dc row end (into the space left along the dc row ends)



I started the ABC Baby afghan and my puff stitches will not stay on the
right side, when I got to the R, I gave up and unraveled. I found your video
on the SC Puff stitch and the stitch is puffed on the wrong side. So my
letters are backwards by design. Is there a secret I should know, or use a
mirror on the graph?

Frustrated in South Carolina,
Glenna

<< reply

The puff stitches automatically "puff" to the side away from you as you are
making them.

I have two different videos that include tips on making this afghan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWwUGEsA9xs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgT_YqxDqZ8

This afghan isn't as difficult as you may think once you figure out how to
read the graph. The puff stitches will form the letters fine and all puffs
appear to be on the wrong side but the pattern works fine.. you just need
to flip the afghan over periodically to check your progress on the
letters... making sure you are placing the puffs in the right places.


I’m new to crocheting and made it all the way to RND 6. Now I’m confused. The directions state: 6 dc in same st.

I know I’m supposed to do 6 double crochets but in what “same” stitch? Please help. I really find the way you explain things very helpful.

breynaud

<< reply >>

The “same stitch” in this case is the stitch at the base of the 3 chains.


Subject: left to right no turn row for tapestry crochet Help!!

I am looking for info on tapestry single crochet How to do the
reverse no turn sc stitch there is only quick tidbits of info on this.
I understand how to carry the second color of yarn but not the
placement of the hook on the left to right sc row in the tapestry
stitch.

Can you help.

Thanks Kat M

<< reply >>

I saw this on a tv show recently... much better than having
to fasten off the yarn for every row.

Carol Ventura is the expert on this method.
She has a video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIX7gGW79Bw
in which she shows how to work the single crochet row from left to right
using the left hand to hold the hook... as well as
a method of turning the work over and making the single crochet
in a different manner working from right to left.

 


How to Crochet - Linked Double Crochet Stitch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyF9_n56LtE

Comment:

This stitch is amazing I love it I never done this stitch before until I came over a pattern that I wanted to make. I broke my head to figure out the instruction, than I decided let me check out a video on you-tube to see if I had it right. I found your video and you did confirm it for me.....Thank you so much for your help!!!!!!
mommelody1

 


Video posted on Google+
https://plus.google.com/u/0/102756061214919781901/posts/Qr34TKDE6G2

How to Crochet - Tips about Baby's ABC'c Afghan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWwUGEsA9xs

Comment:

I've made this. it comes out very nice.
Sharon Brown

 


Subject: BasicsPage

I,m trying to find the crochet instructions for the stitch DBL TR,
I don't quite know how to do this without thw instructions.
Can you help me?
KareAkb

<< reply >>

Watch this video to see how to make a double treble crochet stitch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J13ojH4N2w

 



Subject: Ribbed_Dog_Sweater

Where does the legs go
Celia

<< reply >>

The openings for the dog’s front legs are formed as you join the chest piece of this pattern.
Look at this photo:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/ribbeddogsweaterpix.jpg
you can see one of the leg openings on the lower left part of the sweater.


RE: Dog_Sweater_Pattern

When you say do not turn on rnd 21 does this mean that I am
making the other side of the pattern. Again on rnd 22 do not turn

Celia

<< reply >>

If a pattern instructs you not to turn... just keep working
in the same direction instead of turning the work over and
working back across the stitches you just did.

 



How to Crochet - Back Loop Only (Ribbing)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaaVRHUJpG4

This is great! I used to crochet all the time, but have forgotten much of it ... now I want to teach my granddaughter, so this is very helpful refreshing my memory.
sourceofmystery


Via the Crochetnmore Twitter page:
https://twitter.com/#!/Crochetnmore

Comment:

Love the videos, and the "linked stitches"!
I'll use them in a shawl, poncho, or maybe a scarf or cowl. :)
SoCalDeni

 

Visit Crochetnmore on YouTube to watch our videos.


Re: Apple_Afghan_Square

I am a novice crocheter and cannot figure out how to join the colours on this apple pattern. Does one need to break/cut off constantly when one changes from red to white or is there a way to switch from one line to another keeping the yarn intact? I am hoping that you perhaps have a video-type clip of how to go about this.

Tanya Nöckler
<< reply >>

I carry the unused color along as I go.
I have videos on Youtube now that should be helpful in
showing how I do this. The following videos show
how to make our Purple Heart Coaster Pattern:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4ObY6dxZjY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc8KXJVmf5M


Via the Crochetnmore Twitter page:
https://twitter.com/#!/Crochetnmore

RE: Heart Bookmark Free Crochet Pattern
http://www.crochetnmore.com/heartbookmark.htm

Comment:

This pattern is fab!
andiacreations


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Scrap Yarn Idea:
Use scrap yarn to make Christmas ornaments.

Comments:

Doll hair, to tie quilts together, mix with dryer lint in a mesh bag for the birds.

Lori Corby-Brown

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip: When winding yarn into a ball, wind the yarn loosely. Too much tension on the yarn stretches it.

Comments:

I was wondering about this the other day.......why do we wind the yarn in a ball?
Tonia Deakin
------

Personally, I don't like to wind my yarn unless the skein is mostly gone.. then it tends to tangle so I wind what is left over. Some people think it's easier to work from a ball than a skein.
Crochetnmore
------

I only wind it when it's mostly gone, too.
Janessa Osborn


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Video:
How to crochet with two strands of yarn at once.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vYWQFY9vto

Comments:

I always start with 2 strands when making a bag from the bottom up.
It helps make it more sturdy.
Luciana Young

------

Great Idea!
If you used two strands along with "linked" stitches it would be extremely sturdy.
Crochetnmore

------

What are linked stitches?
Luciana Young

------

The crochet stitches are worked in a way that link them together...
here's a video for the Linked Double Crochet Stitch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyF9_n56LtE
Crochetnmore


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Scrap Yarn Idea: Use yarn scraps to sew faces onto crocheted toys... it makes the toys safer for small children.

Comments:

I save my snipets for Spring. Scatter in the yard and then later try to find them in bird nest.
Ann Polk Watkins

------

I also use the scraps for stitch holders for knitting and marking for both knit and crochet.
Dani Rode


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

RE: Puff Stitch Baby Booties:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/puffstitchbabybooties.htm

Comments:
I have made these! I like them so much, but it was difficult assembling them at first.

Phoebe Agundis


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Scrap Yarn Idea:
Use scrap yarn to make mats for your local animal shelter.

That is a great idea.
Stacy Dee Hernandez

---------

Thats terrific...I never gave that a thought but its a good one.
Gracie Knowles

---------

That is a great idea I just bought 2 new Emblished knitters We almost have 2 large balls of yarn finished I was tring to figure out what to make with these colors.
Thank you for the idea :)
Patricia Lozinski


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

No Sew Towel Topper
http://www.crochetnmore.com/nosewtoweltopper.htm

Comment:

This is my favorite towel topper. I made several for Christmas last year. The recipients loved them.

BearyAnn Pawter


Visit the Crochetnmore Facebook page
to read what viewers are saying about our patterns and videos.

 


 

 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.
                                   Mother Teresa


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !Click Here for Your Chance to Win!


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy?
Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...
Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~

 


Do you know a little girl that doesn't have a baby to hold and care for?
Please visit our site and click on request a doll on the left hand side of the site.

If you need a teddy bear for a little boy please add next to their information
on the request for that it’s for a little boy so we know to send a teddy..
http://www.mollysbabies.org

while your there visit are many pages, we have a volunteer application page
with all the information on there.

We also have Santa letter's, items for sale.. all proceeds goes to Molly's Babies inc.
Right now to keep Molly's Babies Inc running we need your support. so please visit
our site today and see if you can help out with something.. how you can help page
and a lot more. stop by and check us out.. look forward to your visit.

Click here for ways you can help!

Mary B.

Molly's Babies Inc.
P.O. Box 308
Versailles, CT. 06383

http://www.mollysbabies.org

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=WY3PT9P5P4JAL

Newsletter
http://oi.vresp.com?fid=439e0bb678

Blog:
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The Website: http://www.buddybulletin.com/
The Blog: http://buddybulletinblog.blogspot.com/
The Buddy Bulletin Newspaper: http://paper.li/SuperEB/1322068502
The Buddy Bulletin #Crafts: http://paper.li/SuperEB/1324399824

cont.


Unique photos at reasonable prices!

Haley Hamblin Photography
Haley Hamblin Photography

 


www.joann.com


Get Your Home In Order!

Click Here


Threads N Stitches

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm
Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the
crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns.
The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful. NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns.
Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns
used in the patterns. One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super
easy to substitute other yarns if you want to. For those who stay strictly to the recommended
yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list. The projects are very fashionable
and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


=====================================================

Country Village Mall


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood!
Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at
7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Laughter is an instant vacation." - Milton Berle
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 

A woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from
him we have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"


A college graduate applies for a job as an industrial spy.

Together with several other applicants, he is given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.

As soon as the young man is alone, he steps into an empty hallway and opens the packet. Inside, a message reads: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor."

 


A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"

"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked,
"By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said.


My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning, we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone.

Suddenly, his rod bent double and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation.

"Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."


The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from
work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to
be three in this house instead of two."

The husband started glowing with happiness. Kissing his
wife, he said, "Oh, darling, I'm the happiest man in the
world."

But then she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way because
tomorrow morning my mother is moving in with us."


I was visiting customers in their home one afternoon. While I was talking to them, their four-year-old little girl, whose name was Michelle, tugged on my pants leg and excitedly exclaimed, "I got a new bicycle. Do you want to see it?"

I said, "Sure, Michelle." So off to the backyard we went. Upon getting there, I saw a brand-new girl's bicycle. "Wow, Michelle! That's a beautiful bicycle," I complimented. "Can you ride it?"

"Yeah, I can ride it," she said, and then with a sad face she pouted, "but it's broke."

I looked at the new bicycle and couldn't see anything wrong with it, so I asked her, "What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, "but every time I ride it, it falls down!"


Police officer:
Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

Dog owner:
Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.


A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car.

She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup.

As time passed on, her birthday came up and she

thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.

She told her husband, "Look, I want something

that can go from 0 to 200. Furthermore, I want it to

be able to do it in just a few seconds!"

The husband bought her a bathroom scale.

(The funeral is at 3:00pm Wednesday)


In a shop, two men struck up a conversation.

Just as one fellow said that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power outage caused the lights to flicker overhead.

"That, he sighed, must be her checking out now."


An American family took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec.

When he awoke, he looked out his window at the highway signs - now in French - and said in a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep."


In church this past Sunday, we celebrated Communion. During the "children's sermon", the minister was talking about Communion and what it is all about.

"The Bible talks of Holy Communion being a 'joyful feast'. What does that mean?

Well, 'joyful' means happy, right? And a feast is a meal. So a 'joyful feast' is a happy meal. And what are the three things we need for a happy meal?"

My son blurted out, "Hamburger, fries, and a regular soft drink?"


Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.

Then Chad said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”

“Wow!’ said Sherman, “how did you manage that?”

“It’s easy,” replied Chad. “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.'"

 

 


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