Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XII, Issue No. 24
December 30, 2009

Serving approximately 5,500 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:


See more styles at
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore

cont.

Plus Size Dresses

Shopping for a plus size dress?
Sydneys Closet offers you the largest selection of
trendy plus size dresses in
sizes 14 to 44 in stock and ready to ship.
Discover styles that fit and flatter every figure!

cont.

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS

Dear Subscriber:

It has been a privilege and a blessing for us to serve you in past years.
Thank you for your continued support of the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter and website.
A special thank you to those who have purchased items via our site and/or have given a donation.

We pray that you have a very safe prosperous new year!




 

Lisa and Tim

 

 

The Breast Cancer Site

 


PEN PAL?

If you would like to be added to the Crochet 'N' More Pen Pal list please send an email including the following:
Name, Email Address and Interests.
(For interests, please send General Information Only such as what types of things you enjoy crocheting, your favorite threads and/or yarns, etc. Please, no personal information such as age, marital status, snail mail address, etc., and limit your entry to 25-35 words.)


QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on The Crochet 'N' More Message Board and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

RE: Spool Knitting

G'Day,
Could someone out there please point me in the right direction?
I have the supplies, but the instructions seems to have flown right out of my head!
I'd love to teach my Granddaughters how to knit using a spool knitter - the instructions I did have were confusing, but I remember spending many hours as a young girl spool knitting lots of creative projects! Please help me in you can, the simpler the instructions - the better, please. When I am crocheting I seem to be able to do the complicated patterns, yet this has me baffled!
Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers from Canada, Kris

ANSWER:

 

Try these pages: http://www.needlepointers.com/displaypage.aspx?ArticleID=26639&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.hasbro.com%2fcommon%2finstruct%2fKnittingSpool.PDF

http://www.pellatuliptime.com/historical-village/history/lessons/straw/strwcork.html

http://bobscrafts.com/bobstuff/spool.htm

http://www.knitting-and.com/knitting/tips/spool-knit.htm

http://www.free-craft-patterns.com/spool-knitting.html

Hope this helps.


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


"We can find contentment in any circumstance
if we simply trust God to do His part."
Pastor Kevin Corbin

 

I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, in order that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but the sorrow of the world produces death.

2 Corinthians 7:9-10

 

Be on your guard? If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him.

Luke 17:3-4

 

Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray the Lord that if possible, the intention of your heart may be forgiven you.

Acts 8:22

And after John had been taken into custody, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying,
" The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe the gospel !"

Mark 1:14-15

 

"REPENTANCE IS THE SOIL
IN WHICH FORGIVENESS FLOURISHES."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - December, 2009 Issue


Is Jesus Christ your personal Savior?

"It's not too late to make a fresh start with God."


"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst." Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


Who was the father of
Parshandatha, Dalphon, Aspatha,
Poratha, Adalia, Aridatha,
Parmashta, Arisai, Aridai and Vaizatha?

 

Click Here for the Answer

 

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

 

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

Big Christmas Stocking Crochet Pattern
BIG CHRISTMAS STOCKING

 

Simple Star Ornament Crochet Pattern
SIMPLE STAR ORNAMENT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS


The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.

None at this time.

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.


 

Row Count "X" Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
"X" COASTER

 

Row Count "Y" Coaster Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
"Y" COASTER

 

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

 
  Clearance Sale
   
 
Click here to see our growing collection of FREE PATTERNS  

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 




CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


FRINGE (strands of yarn along the edge of a project)

Fringe can be used for many different crochet projects:
     Afghans
     Rugs
     Bookmarks
     Doll Hair
     Purses
     Clothing
The possibilities are endless !

Cut pieces of yarn a little more than twice the length you want your fringe to be.
Insert the hook in the stitch/space where you want a fringe.
Fold all strands needed for one fringe in half.
Using the hook, draw the folded ends of the yarn through the stitch/space.
Yarn over all of the strands of yarn in your fringe and draw them through the folded ends.
This completes the fringe and all you need to do is tighten up the knot by pulling on the strands of yarn.
Trim the ends of the fringe if desired.

EXAMPLE:
You're working on a scarf.
You want each fringe to measure 4 inches long.
You want each fringe to be 6 strands each.
You will need to cut 3 strands of yarn approximately 9 inches in length, so when
folded and attached your fringe will measure around 4 inches long.

Click the following link for Fringe Instructions at Annie's Attic:
http://www.anniesattic.com/crochet/content.html?content_id=77

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----

ILLUSTRATED BASIC CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BEGINNER:

HOW TO DO A STARTING CHAIN

SINGLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

HALF DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

TRIPLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf

 


CROCHET TIP


When adding fringe to a project, choose a yarn that doesn't shed fibers easily.
Yarns that shed their fibers tend not to wear very well and after washing they begin to look ragged.
Using a non-shedding type of yarn will help your project look great for a long time.
It's also good if the fringe yarn has a tighter twist in the strands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ...

73. Last week I cut up a lot of yarn into 6 inch pieces. Then I made wikki stix from them. This is a cool product which teachers love to teach handicapped children in the lower grades. Well, even the other children in grades one and two love to play with them. Some of my grandchildren are getting these as a Christmas gift. Sadie

do you have number 74?

 

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!

 


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter !


RE: T-Shirt Coaster

I had a question to ask you concerning the T-shirt coaster. I made one and it turned out great. I wanted to make sure that it was alright if I made some for friends and family as gifts. My sister (Lisa) is thinking of opening a craft store and I thought these would make a great addition. Would I be allowed to make the T-shirt coasters and sell them? If so, what should I do to credit you for the design?

Trusting in Him, Michelle Drumheller

<< reply >>

You have my permission to use any of my patterns for gifts or to sell finished products.
All I ask is my pattern not be sold and if possible include a link to my website with each item given or sold.


Subject: Christmas_Stocking

Hi lisa, do you have a easy crochet granny square stocking you can share,i'm new at crocheting & would love to make one for our christmas tree,thank you for any of your help. carrie

<< reply >>

I don't have a granny square stocking but I do have a Big Christmas Stocking that is pretty easy: http://www.crochetnmore.com/bigchristmasstocking.htm


Subject: Suggestion/Question

I am trying to crochet baby mittens but I don't understand the directions after I finish the cuff.
It says:
Sl st across into starting ch Ch1 - sc in join Evenly space 15 more sc around cuff
Join
I'm very confused.
Can you explain this to me in more detail???
RITZKEL973

<< reply >>

If this your pattern:
http://www.innerchildcrochet.com/patterns/files/my_baby_mittens.pdf

For the Cuff... you are working 6 single crochets for 14 rows into the back loop only... this gives you a ribbed look. I believe Row 15 on the cuff is actually a joining row. Work the each of the slip stitches through the stitch of round 14 and the foundation stitch opposite it at the same time from Round 1. (that means you work into the unworked loop of each chain on Row 1.

When you do this the piece should look like a wrist band.

Now for the Hand...
Round 1... you chain 1, and work one single crochet at that same spot. Now you work 16 more single crochets around the cuff into the row ends... evenly spacing them around. Join with a slip stitch in the first single you made.


Subject: ReadAPattern

Thank you so much for the pattern explanations. My mom taught me to crochet (long ago) by looking at samples and now I am actually working with written patterns. Your site makes it easy. Gloria M. Sanchez


Subject: Baby_Scratch_Mitts

I had a question on your pattern. I am semi new at crocheting but I am crocheting with the help of a woman that does know how to crochet more than I do. However, we both do not know what "post" means I have found the definitions for Bpdc and Fpdc under your site. I just do now understand what a "post" is could you please help and explain.

Susana Sanchez


Subject: Great page!

Hello, I love how you break instructions down on your web page! I just bought a book called Everyday Crochet and I can't, for the life of me, figure out where to start! It starts with the yoke, and says to make the same as a different pattern through body row 2. What the heck is the yoke? Besides the center of an egg, I'm lost! Am I starting with the top? Bottom? Side? Please help this is a sweater my sister-in-law wants for CHRISTMAS!?!?!? Thanks, Brande Schiller

<< reply >>

I'm glad my site is useful to you.
The Yoke of a sweater is the part closest to the neckline.


Subject: Basketweave_Towel_Topper

bpdc, fpdc. What does this means?
Thanks.. Can not wait make those for my kitchen :) Thanks Christina

<< reply >>

These are post stitches.

Here's how:
FRONT POST DOUBLE CROCHET
Yarn over, insert hook from the front side of the work right to left
around the post of the indicated stitch on a previous row;
yo and pull up a loop (3 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (2 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (1 lp on hk)

BACK POST DOUBLE CROCHET
Yarn over, insert hook from the back side of the work right to left
around the post of the indicated stitch on a previous row;
yo and pull up a loop (3 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (2 lps on hk)
yo and draw through two lps (1 lp on hk)

This link is helpful in explaining these stitches.
http://crochet.about.com/library/weekly/aa060797.htm

You can find these and many other stitch abbreviations and instructions on my Basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm
Hope this helps.


Thanks for posting the great dish towel crocheted topper instructions.
Every Christmas a friend gives me a couple of crocheted top dish towels.
Unfortunately, she seems to use old dish towels (probably from Goodwill) and they do not absorb water very well.
This year they weren't even clean! I know she means well, but...!!
I finally got frustrated enough with the cheap towels to look for a crochet pattern
so I can make my own out of brand new dish towels!
Your pattern looks perfect. Thanks! Tig


Subject: Row_Count_Breast_Cancer_Ribbon_Afghan_Square

I have not been crocheting long, but I want to make this pattern, and how am I supposed to change colors? what do I do with the finished color after changing to the next color? and then picking it up in the next row? does it look strange? please help:) -- Amy Kittel

<< reply >>

Take a look at this page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/chartcrochet.htm
for info on graphs and charts.
I carry my unused color along the row and drop it at
the point where I will need it again on the way back.


Subject: Basics Page

I haven't done anything in crochet for many years. I have finished my project, and can't find out how to do the last row to end the project. The instructions I find only show how to end the last stitch. I need to know how to get to that last stitch in the final row like in knitting you cast off. HELP!
Gail Chall

<< reply >>

In crocheting you work all the way across the row and then finish off only the last stitch.
To finish off you cut your yarn leaving about six inches, then yarn over and draw the yarn tail through the last loop on the hook. Pull it snuggly. Each yarn tail needs to be weaved back into your project. To weave your ends in take a yarn needle or use your crochet hook and sew the yarn tails back through your stitches.
This page should be helpful:
http://crochet.about.com/hobbies/crochet/library/bl_weave_ends.htm


Subject: Barbs_Floppy_Brim_Hat

~~ first of all let me say thank you for sharing your pattern
Ive been knitting for many years now and have recently discovered crocheting therefore Im not very seasoned. Ive run into a snag though and have asked a friend who is an avid crotchetier and she also does not under stand the information in Row 13. Please explain Row 13 - I understand the first line but then with the ** and the * notations Im not sure what Im to be doing. Thank you in advance for your assistance. Tammy Robbins

<< reply >>

You're very welcome Tammy.
Asterisks work the same way in patterns whether there is one asterisk or two.
Sometimes a letter "t" is also used like an asterisk (*).
These symbols are in patterns to indicate what part of the pattern to repeat.

So for Round 13 you do the following:
Do not turn.
Slip stitch around the Front Post of the same double crochet you joined in.
Chain 3
**
Double crochet in the space between the same double crochet and the next double crochet.
* Front Post Double Crochet around next double crochet.

Repeat the instructions from the two asterisks (**) over and over ending with the last repeat
from the two asterisk to the single asterisk. (so your last repeat ends at the single asterisk)
Join with slip stitch in the top of the begininng chain 3. (you should have 120dc when finished)


Subject: Cell_Phone_Wrist_Pouch

Hi, I was wondering what your copyright entails.
I do not want to sell your pattern, but I would like to know if I can make your cell phone case to sell on etsy. It would not be mass produced in any manner, just made by me, in limited quantities. I would be more than happy to put a statement with the product stating that it was made from your pattern. Please let me know. Thanks, Lisa Perez

<< reply >>

You have my permission to make items using my pattern designs to sell.
Please keep in mind that not all patterns on my site are my designs.
Thank you for offering not to sell my patterns. I do not wish them sold... that's why I give them for free ;o) The only terms and/or conditions I have are that the pattern itself not be sold or reposted on other websites. I really appreciate your kindness in offering to include my information along with the items.
My website url with each item is fine.


Subject: ReadAPattern

I have a pattern that says Chain 2 HDC in each stich,join with a st. what and how do i do a HDC?
Jamie DeMaris

<< reply >>

That means you chain 2 and then work one half double crochet in each stitch.

A half double crochet is worked as follows:
Yarn over and insert your hook into the stitch or space indicated,
yarn over again and pull up a loop. (You should have three loops on your hook.)
Yarn over again and draw through all three of the loops on the hook.


Subject: help w/ little angel ornament please

Hello Lisa, I'm one of your new website friends in the Lord. So glad to see you ask those eternal questions that need to be asked. Thank you for posting and sharing your little angel ornament crochet instructions. I've looked at numerous crochet patterns and I like yours the best, but I need help in understanding some of the instructions. I've not crocheted in a number of years and wanted to do these Christmas ornaments as gifts. Perhaps you can help me understand which rows of instruction make which parts of the angel. That would help a lot.

I'm concerned that after having done row 6, I still don't show signs of angel wings.
My angel seems to be 3-D. Is that correct?
I would like a stitch count for row 5 after I've made the decreases.
So far I have 10 chn2 spaces instead of 8. I've torn them out, started from Row 1 and still don't come up with the correct number. Perhaps a need a stitch count for the previous rows as well? Whatever help you can give me in the way of instructions will be a blessing! If you happen to have a closer view of the angel that would also help. Christmas blessings, Alene

<< reply >>

The angel ornament is one of my older patterns... but if memory serves me correctly... the wings aren't noticeable until you begin the skirt portion of the pattern. The angel is 3D... not flat.

As far as stitch counts go... I didn't include that info on earlier patterns.
Not sure why.... just didn't think about it, I guess. The only way I could get a stitch count is to make the ornament again and I'm sorry to say that I do not have time to do that right now.

<< Alene's Reply >>

Thank you for your reply. After I had done some more simple patterns I was able to go back and do yours successfully. And I LOVE it! It turns out that my main problem was not knowing how to decrease a half double crochet. I found out how on the Internet. You're correct the wings don't appear until right before the skirt row. I felt like it was almost magic! Thanks again for responding and Merry Christmas to you and yours. May we live out His birth in us everyday!
Alene Edwards


Subject: ReadAPattern

Thank you so much, I thought I knew what the asterisk.
But what do two asterisk mean at the end of an instructions.
(ex. 1 sc, 2 dc, 1 sc ** )
Novella C. Gibson

<< reply >>

You're welcome... two asterisks work the same way one asterisk does. These are only symbols that are referred to later in the pattern when instructions need to be repeated. Sometimes a repeat is partially repeated at the end of a row/round... and the designer puts two asterisks or a different symbol to let you know where to stop that repeat.


Subject: Crocheted Christmas Tree

Hello, My mother used to have a beautiful white crocheted Christmas tree with colored lights that was so pretty. It stood about a foot tall. I'd like to know where I can find one. I googled "Crocheted Christmas Trees," and your site came up. I don't crochet, but wondered if you or anyone you know has ever made the one with lights and, if so, how much it would cost to have one made. Any help you can provide would be appreciated. Sincerely; Janice Wisinski

<< reply >>

After numerous searches I found the following tree patterns:

http://www.lulu.com/content/502462
http://www.ehow.com/how_5414262_make-crocheted-floor-tree.html

the first one is 7 inches tall and the other 48 inches tall.
As for the cost to have one made... that would depend on who you hire to make it for you.


Subject: No_Sew_Towel_Topper_2

When and how do you attach the yarn to the dish cloth? Anita A Crotchetier

<< reply >>

You don't atach the yarn to the dishcloth.
You hang the dishcloth in the finished topper.


Subject: Basketweave_Towel_Topper

Hi, I know that you said to contact you if I have any errors, However I found none.
I use your patterns quite often. This one I found special because it is fun, easy and I've already made a few for my family and friends for Christmas. I am sending you this message to thank you for your fun patterns, it means alot to me to have them. My name is Angela, I've been Crocheting and Knitting since I was 10 years old. I am now 35 I love to do my crafts and make gifts. I thank you again for putting your patterns out there for us to enjoy God Bless You and your gifts. Angela

<< reply >>

You're very welcome Angela.
I'm glad you are enjoying my patterns.
I've been crocheting since seventh grade... that was in the late 70's.
Like you, I love to make gifts. Life would be so boring without crafts :)


Subject: Two Dog Bandana Patterns

Hello! I've made a couple of the dog bandanas for my Corgi and just love the patterns. Thank you for sharing them. I wanted to ask if I can share the patterns with about 10 fellow crocheters in the Topeka, Kansas chapter of the National Crochet Guild. We would like to make some to donate to our local animal shelter to sell at fundraisers. Please let me know if that would be okay. Thank you so much!
kspeier

<< reply >>

You're very welcome. I'm so glad you are enjoying the bandana pattern. Yes, you may share the pattern with your friends. Please print the pattern "as is" so your friends can print additional copies when they need them. I allow items to be made for gifts or for sale using my patterns. Please keep in mind that not all patterns on my site are my designs.


 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
                                                               Mother Teresa


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


Caron Yarn Giveaway!

 

Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !

Click Here for Your Chance to Win!

 

 


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy ?

Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...


Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.

 


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~


 

Threads N Stitches

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

 

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm

Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns. The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful.

NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns. Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.

 

 

 


 

Get your copy of Diane England's
"Cute Crochet for Kids" :

 

 

 


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.

Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns used in the patterns.
One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super easy to substitute other yarns if you want to.
For those who stay strictly to the recommended yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list.
The projects are very fashionable and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


 

=====================================================

Country Village Mall


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood! Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at

7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



 

I was on the phone trying to set up a furniture delivery. "If you would like to arrange a delivery date, please press one," the automated voice prompted me. "If you would like to confirm delivery, please press two." At that moment my three-year-old daughter let out an ear-piercing shriek. "I'm sorry," the automated voice said, "that is not a valid response."


The gentleman stopped to talk to the small girl who was making mud pies on the sidewalk. "My word," he exclaimed, "you are pretty dirty, aren't you, my little girl?"

"Yes," she replied, "but I am prettier clean."


Little Johnny burst into the drug store and shouted excitedly, "My father is being chased by a bull!"

"What do you want me to do about it?" gasped the startled clerk.

"Quick," Johnny exclaimed, "put a fresh roll of film in my camera."


My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?"

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming,
"Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"


The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that might come up. One Sunday, just as the minister was reaching the climax of his sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to the center aisle, started making loud beeps and brrrmms like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward him. The minister stopped his sermon, pointed severely at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the car immediately beside your mother on that bench (pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the keys."

The sermon continued undisturbed ... after a good laugh by the congregation.


We needed a new car, and I went to a local dealer with a long list of requirements.

"It must be inexpensive," I told the salesman, "but big enough to transport eight Wolf Cubs and all their camping equipment. It has to have lots of headroom. I don't want air conditioning because I like to feel natural breezes. And I'm not concerned about horse-power or a smooth ride."

The salesman gazed at me intently.
"The covered wagon no longer exists, ma'am."


Pardon me, lady", said the man trying to get back to his seat in the darkened movie theater, "but did I step on your toes a few minutes ago?"

"You certainly did!!", said the woman in the aisle seat.

"Good, then I'm in the right row!" the man said as he went back to his seat.


While working as a television news cameraman, I arrived at an accident scene, and a cameraman from another station pulled up behind me. As I parked the news cruiser, I heard a policeman on the scanner using the radio phonetic alphabet to alert other officers.
"Be aware that the Mike Echo Delta India Alpha has arrived," he said.

I approached the officer, looked him in the eye and said,
"You might be surprised to know that some of us in the Mike Echo Delta India Alpha can
Sierra Papa Echo Lima Lima."


Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

"Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly?
Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

"That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that?"

"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."


At 3:00 a.m. the young wife shook her husband awake, telling him to check the baby. He sat up for a full minute listening, then protested, "But I don't hear her crying."

"I know" she replied, "And it's your turn to go see why not!"


After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.

"Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."

"Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."


Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:

It is always darkest...Just before you flunk a test.

There is nothing new...under a rock.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with...a private jet.

A committee of three...gets things done when they are not fighting.

If you can't stand the heat...try Antarctica.

Better late than...absent.

A rolling stone...may dent the floor.

If at first you don't succeed...live with it.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry...and then blow your nose.

A bird in the hand is....better than a woodpecker on your head.

Early to bed, early to rise...and you will get the best cereal.

Two heads...are pretty scary.

It is better to light a candle than...to light a bomb.

A miss is as good as...a mister.

A penny saved...is not a lot.

Don't burn your bridges...or you'll fall in the lake.

Haste makes...sweat


 

 

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