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Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XV, Issue No. 9
May 15, 2012

Serving approximately 6,500 crafters...

 

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or
Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you
would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:

Clever Apple

Training tutors since 1997. 
If you're searching for tutoring jobs,
information on how to start a tutoring business, 
or resources that will help parents or educators,
we're sure you'll find what you're looking for with Clever Apple.

 

cont

divider

 


See more styles at
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore

co

cont

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS


 

Dear Subscriber:

We have a new pattern video tutorial demonstrating our Toilet Tissue Cover pattern.
Visit the pattern page and crochet along with me.


If you are a visual learner... the Crochet N More YouTube Channel
has 131 videos (so far) to help you crochet.
Click here to start watching:
http://www.youtube.com/user/crochetnmore

 

All Free Crochet

Take a look:
http://www.allfreecrochet.com/Crochet-Designer/Lisa-Hamblin-Crochet-Designer

 

We're still working on our online crochet course ... keep watching our homepage for information about how to sign up.
http://www.crochetnmore.com

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
New Crocheters
Click Here:
Learn to Crochet: A Beginner's Guide

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I have added more videos since our last issue.
Take a look at our YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/crochetnmore

Visit our Blog:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/crochetblog/

Visit our Facebook Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crochetnmore/277255108133

Sign our Guestbook: 
http://www.amazon.com/Lisa-Hamblin/e/B00BQJYJVK/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=ur2&tag=crochetnmore


Follow Crochetnmore on Twitter

Lisa and Tim

The Breast Cancer Site

QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on
The Crochet 'N' More Message Board

and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

RE: baby doll crochet pattern

Hi, can anyone help me please, i,m looking for either knitting or crochet pattern for a christening gown for a baby doll, thank you
kerry

 

ANSWER:

See if this pattern will work for you:
http://web.archive.org/web/20050301021502/www.crochetpartners.org/Patterns/CPpat30.html
    when you click the link... it comes up to a page that is referred... just wait for it.

Lisa Hamblin
CNM/MBA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


"The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from
the development of love and compassion. The more we
care for the happiness of others, the greater is our
own sense of well-being."

~~ - The Dalai Lama ~~

 

 

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever shall say to his brother, "Raca," shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever shall say, "you fool," shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

Matthew 5:22-24

 

But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction, and that you esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another. And we urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all men. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:12-18

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

1 John 4:7-8

 

 

"THE BEST WAY TO GET THE
LAST WORD IS TO APOLOGIZE."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - May, 2012 Issue


Check out the E-votions blog:

http://www.e-votions.com/


Be careful the environment you choose, for it will
shape you; be careful the friends you choose, for
you will become like them.  - W. Clement Stone


"For where two or three have gathered
together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


Fill in the blank:

Little children, guard yourselves from _______.


 

Click Here for the Answer

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

 

Row Count Bow Tie Afghan Square Free Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
BOW TIE
AFGHAN SQUARE

 

Mug Cozy Free Crochet Pattern
MUG COZY

 

 


NEW LINKS

The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.


 

None at this time.

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

Check out all of our free crochet patterns.

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

Clearance Sale



CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


WORKING IN ROW ENDS

Sometimes a pattern has you work rows of stitches and then to form a border or edging
you are instructed to "work in the row ends". The row ends are the first & last stitches you did on each row. If the rows are single crochet stitches then the "end of the row" refers to
making the required stitches around the first & last single crochet stitches on each row.
If the first & last stitches on the row are double crochet stitches you work around the post of the double crochet stitches. No matter what kind of stitch you are using you work around the actual stitch on the end of the row... not into the top of it.

The first photo in the following picture shows a swatch turned on its side
with the ends of the rows on the top. I used a white cotton thread to work into the
row ends so you could see where the stitches go. The second photo shows the entire
piece with a border added. I worked one single crochet into each row end, one single
into each unworked loop of the foundation chain, one single in each row end up the opposite
side, and one single in each stitch on the last row I had made. For each corner I worked
3 singles so the motif wouldn't curl up.

Row Ends

 

 

 

 

 

 

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf


CROCHET TIP


Need a bookmark?
This is a great use for scrap yarn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ... do you have number 90?

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter!


Subject: Crocheting Question

Hi. I really enjoy your newsletter & decided today to take advantage of asking you a question or two.

1. I crochet tightly and to compensate I increase my hook size by sometimes 2 sizes. I have consciously tried to loosen my stitch but when working on something larger than a washcloth, I general go back to my tight ways. Any suggestions?

2. I have worked on several projects that require a SC be made all the way around the item. My last one said to place 115 evenly spaced SC on the edges. This always throws me because I don't exactly know how to "evenly space" SC when there aren't other SC to put these in to. The rows are not repetitive so the ends are not consistent. Is there magic to making this work or to counting????

Chris Garrett

<< reply >>

Answer to Question 1:

Since changing your hook size hasn’t helped with your tension problem... try holding your hook differently. If you normally hold your hook like a knife, change to a pencil hold.
If you normally hold your hook like a pencil, change to the knife hold.
Let me know if this helps.

Answer to Question 2:
I’ve seen instructions like this a lot myself and it used to be so confusing to me also.
Think of it this way... The area of the project that requires the stitches must first be divided into sections. Then it’s time for a little math. You need to know how many stitches you need to add per section. Lets say the length of the project is 23 inches and you need to place those 115 stitches evenly across that area.

115 stitches divided by 23” = 5 stitches per inch

Use stitch markers to mark your project in one inch increments and place 5 stitches within each one inch section.
Lisa

 


RE: UK Crochet Square

Good Morning
Thanks for all the work you do on your website, and the free patterns. I really like this pattern, but how do you handle switching between colors and weaving in the ends. Your finished product looks so neat and clean.

<< reply >>

You're very welcome.

The following page tells about changing colors when working with charts or graphs:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/chartcrochet.htm

The Row Count patterns on my site eliminate the need for a graph but are worked similarly in regard to changing colors. The videos on the above page show a demonstration of the Purple Heart Coaster pattern. You can watch how I changed colors as I make the coaster.
The coaster patterns are great first “row count” patterns.

 


Hi, I am fairly new to crochet and am attempting a tea cosy pattern from a blog that uses the abbreviation hdc. I can't find what this is - am guessing half double crochet, but how do you do that? Hope you can help. Thanks, Jackie

<< reply >>

You are correct!
Hdc is a half double crochet.

Here’s how:
Yarn over and insert your hook into the stitch or space indicated,
yarn over and pull up a loop. (You should have 3 loops on your hook.)
Yarn over again and draw through all three of the loops on the hook.

and here’s a video demonstrating the stitch:

 

You can find many other stitch abbreviations/instructions on our Crochet Basics Page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm


Subject: Pattern

Hi,

I am looking for a pattern from about 30 years ago! It was a mouse bookmark and as I remember it was a chain with several dc in each chain so it curled around and then had a chain long tail and little eyes.

Any help would be appreciated. I want to make 125 of these for first graders I have been working with on their reading. I know they were very easy to make, but can't find my pattern.

Thank you!

Lois

<< reply >>

LionBrand has a Pocket Pet Mouse pattern:
http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/cff-pocketPetMouse.html
that says it can be used as a bookmark.

I found a couple of other cute mouse patterns also:
http://www.crochetspot.com/crochet-pattern-computer-mouse-toy/

http://www.coatscrafts.co.uk/Crochet/Projects/crochet_mouse.htm

Would you happen to have a picture of one of the bookmarks you had?


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip: Most of the time graphs for Crochet and Cross Stitch patterns can be used interchangeably.

Comments:

hmmmm
Suzi Bridwell Bryant
---
hmmm never thought of that
Michele Choate
---
Graphs for crochet and cross stitch are normally charted on true square grid paper. Knit graphs are not... since knit stitches are shorter than they are wide the knit graphs are charted on "knitter's graph paper". With each square on knitter's graph paper not being a perfect square the image will be distorted if used with crochet or cross stitch.
Crochetnmore
---
I didn't know knitters graph paper was different! Thanks for the heads up!
Phoebe Agundis

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Re: Shoe Fly Glass Topper

Comments:

What a lovely idea!
Linda Eisensmith Lewis
---
It can be used as a coaster also.
Crochetnmore

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Wanted to say thank you for your preemie hat pattern that I've used. This is the link to my Mama Jo's Inspired by Love page of preemie hats (so far) and the credit I've given to your wonderful work. Thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.386239498084686.83021.253693778005926&type=3

Comment:
I'm glad you enjoyed the pattern... the hats are adorable!
Crochetnmore


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

I'm working on the white toilet tissue cover pattern...and just don't think I'm reading the pattern correctly... I come out with a flower but it doesn't quite look like the picture shown. I get up to rnd 5 but don't understand where the 9sc are suppose to go. did yellow w/E and green w/I hook.

On same pattern what does the [6 ch 3 spaces] mean on rnd 2? I thought it just meant how many spaces I would have etc....but that is not what I winded up with...

Blue Jay

<< replies >>

I'm in the process of making a video tutorial for this pattern. The 9sc go into the chain 6 loops on Rnd 3. You should have 6 ch3 spaces when you finish Rnd 2 and 6 ch6 spaces when you finish Rnd 3.
Crochetnmore
---
thanks for the quick response, I was trying to get them done for mother's day. I look forward to the video tutorial, because even though my flowers look good, I don't know if I was doing it right, and it would be nice to see how it is done. thanks again.
Blue Jay
---
You're welcome.
Here's the first video:

 


Crochetnmore

---
Thanks! just saw the video..seems i was sl st in ever space not just the ch 1 spaces. It was very helpful. I do appreciate your time and effort, and hope in the future to donate (don't have paypal set up yet). Oh, I read your testimony and was very touched by it... I listen to Klove all day and its so uplifting to hear songs of praise..its hard to have a bad day when your listening to songs of praise. I admire you for teaching Sunday school. ps...I have a 4yr Snoodle (his mother looked like your Schotzi)
Blue Jay


Via the Crochetnmore YouTube Channel

RE: How to Crochet - Single Crochet 3 Together (sc3tog)

 

Comment:

Very clear, thanks!

wolfjedaisy


Subject: preemie gown pattern

Thanks so much for your preemie gown pattern--I'm hoping to
make these for my perinatal hospice. Can I make them bigger and smaller?
Laura

<< reply >>

You’re very welcome... this pattern should be easy to adjust.
The number of foundation chains can be increased to make a larger
version or decreased to make a smaller version.... you will need to
adjust the number of stitches that are joined to form the shoulders also.

 


Via the Crochetnmore YouTube Channel

Re: Mom Bookmark

 

Comments:


I can I have this crochet bookmark pattern please I want to do it to okay that look great okay . Thanks You?
Uniquathomas

<< reply >>

Yes
The link to the pattern is below the video.
Crochetmmore

 


Via the Crochetnmore YouTube Channel

Re: Mom Bookmark Tutorial - Part 3 (Rows 17-24)
http://www.crochetnmore.com/mombookmark.htm

 

Comments:

What yarn are you using?
lizkimber
---
For the video I used a worsted weight yarn and larger hook so you could see how I made the bookmark. The pattern uses bedspread weight cotton thread with a #7 steel hook. This is listed in the materials section on the pattern page.
crochetnmore


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Comments:

Looking for the neatest way to stitch squares together. Am halfway through a 3-year project and want to take first quarter apart again, I'm not happy with the stitches/technique that I used to piece them together :/
Gene Putter Claassen

Try this way:

 


Crochetnmore



Re: Row_Count_Breast_Cancer_Ribbon_Afghan_Square

I was wondering if you cut and tie each time you change colors?
Could you let me know please?

thank you

Ann Brown

<< reply >>

No, I carry the unused color along as I crochet.

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
Crocheting multiple colors?
Put the yarn (in a basket) on a turn table to easily untwist it.

Comment:

That's a really good idea. I like to use my yarn in the order it is in, so if blue is first I place it in front of the white, then when I use white I place it behind the blue. Always in the same order, and I turn so the yarn doesn't wrap up. I figured this out the last few times I had to untangle everything.
Phoebe Agundis


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Scrap Yarn Idea: Scrap cotton yarn = randomly striped dishcloths. Crochet until you use one color then switch.

Comments:

Great idea!
Keith-Sara Sach
---
I've never thought of that till now.
Thanks
Cynthia J Moore

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

RE: Double Ruffle Granny Baby Afghan


Comments:

i love this
Tricia Crow
---
Thanks!
Crochetnmore
---
this is beautiful but i cannot get it to lay flat with the chain one in the corner space any hints
Katherine Harris
---
‎Katherine Harris: 2 chains in the corners will work fine also.... see if that helps.
Crochetnmore
---
thanks it has helped I was using pound of love I hook going to use different yarn like this pattern.
Katherine Harris
---
Feel free to post a picture when you finish :)
Crochetnmore

 


RE: Table Runner

On your crochet table you talk about crocheting into the hump do you mean crochet in the back loop of the chain ?
Doris

<< reply >>

Yes, into the back loop ridge of each chain.
I have a video tutorial for this pattern here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpww9ivoLsc


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Tumblr Page

Question:

I am a novice and currently working on a starling handbag. My question is how do I do lining. Obviously, fabric and facing but do I hand sew or machine sew? Thank you
crochetprojects

<< reply >>

I recommend hand sewing a lining because you can stitch only on the inside of the work. If you sew in a lining using a machine the thread will distort your stitches and be visible on the outside of your bag.
crochetnmore

 


 

RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Tumblr Page

Question:

What kinds of patterns do you suggest to someone just learning to read them? (I'm self taught and can't understand them.
shes-loud

---

Patterns marked “easy” that use only a few stitches.
Believe it or not… a full size afghan using one stitch is a great way to practice.
Do you have a certain pattern you want to make?
crochetnmore


Re: Post on the Crochetnmore Google+ Page

Scrap Yarn Idea:
Use yarn bobbins to store small scraps of yarn.

Comment:

Or empty toilet paper rolls. Those work too. :D
Shawna Mac

 


 

 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.
                                   Mother Teresa


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


Red Heart Yarn of the Month Giveaway:
http://www.redheart.com/blog/yarn-month-giveaway-may

 

 

 


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy?
Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...
Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~

 


Do you know a little girl that doesn't have a baby to hold and care for?
Please visit our site and click on request a doll on the left hand side of the site.

If you need a teddy bear for a little boy please add next to their information
on the request for that it’s for a little boy so we know to send a teddy..
http://www.mollysbabies.org

while your there visit are many pages, we have a volunteer application page
with all the information on there.

We also have Santa letter's, items for sale.. all proceeds goes to Molly's Babies inc.
Right now to keep Molly's Babies Inc running we need your support. so please visit
our site today and see if you can help out with something.. how you can help page
and a lot more. stop by and check us out.. look forward to your visit.

Click here for ways you can help!

Mary B.

Molly's Babies Inc.
P.O. Box 308
Versailles, CT. 06383

http://www.mollysbabies.org

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=WY3PT9P5P4JAL

Newsletter
http://oi.vresp.com?fid=439e0bb678

Blog:
http://mollys-babies.blogspot.com/

 


          The Buddy Bulletin Newspapers    
Stream Your Tweets Outward - To The Wider World

The Website: http://www.buddybulletin.com/
The Blog: http://buddybulletinblog.blogspot.com/
The Buddy Bulletin Newspaper: http://paper.li/SuperEB/1322068502
The Buddy Bulletin #Crafts: http://paper.li/SuperEB/1324399824

cont.
 


www.joann.com


Get Your Home In Order!

Click Here


 

How to Start a Tutoring Business

cont.

 


Threads N Stitches

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm
Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the
crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns.
The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful. NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns.
Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.


 

=====================================================


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood!
Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at
7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



 


~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Laughter is an instant vacation." - Milton Berle
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Only In America...

Do Banks leave both doors open and chain their writing pens to the
counter.
-
Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
useless junk in the garage.
-
Do we buy hotdogs in packages of ten and the buns in packages of twelve.
-
Do we order a cheeseburger and large fries with a diet soda.
-
Do we make the sick walk to the back of the drugstore for their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy their cigarettes and candy
right up front.

 


After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight
days, I went to the squadron command master chief to
complain. “Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world,”
I said, “but for the past three months all I’ve seen
is water.”

“Lieutenant,” he replied, “three-quarters of the earth
is covered with water, and the Navy has been showing
you that. If you wanted to see the other quarter, you
should have joined the Army.”


A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items.

Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with
"WWJD" printed on all of them.

He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but
couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.

The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would
Jesus Do," and was meant to inspire people to not make
rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would
do in the same situation.

The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm
sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."

 


One day a guy on a vacation heard of an Indian with an
amazing memory, so he decided to visit the Indian and see
what the big deal was.

He went to the Indian and asked him, "What did you eat for
breakfast on July 2, 1961?"

The Indian replied, "Eggs."

The same man came back 10 years later to see the Indian
again. He greeted him by saying, "How."

The Indian said, "Fried."


Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained
that she had gotten lost in the school library. No one was surprised,
since the library is large and has a confusing layout.

When I asked her how long it took her to find an exit, she admitted
she hadn't actually found the exit herself. She'd used an emergency
phone to call for help.

Puzzled, I asked, "How did your rescuers find you if you didn't know
where you were?"

"Easy," she said. "I started reading titles of books around me, and
they located my position from the card catalogue.

 


When our last child moved out, my wife encouraged me to join
Big Brothers.

I was matched with a 13-year-old named Alex. At our first outing,
we ran into his friend at the library.

"Who's he?" the friend asked Alex, pointing to me.

"My Big Brother, Randall."

The boy looked at me, then back at Alex. "Dude, how old is your
mother?"

 


A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."


Busily checking in luggage for the large airline
where I work, I asked every traveler, "Is this
your suitcase?" before proceeding. At the peak
of the afternoon rush, one man hesitated after
my inquiry and then replied, "No, it's my
brother-in-law's -- but he said I could use it."

 


A worried, anxious traveler was boarding the airplane when he asked the stewardess “Do these planes crash often?”.

The stewardess responded, “Only once!”.

 


After trying a new shampoo for the first time,
Karen fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval
to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later she came home from work to
a large box in the middle of the living room floor.
Inside were free samples of the many products
that the company produced: bath soaps, detergents,
shampoo, powders, tooth paste, and paper items.

"Well, what do you think?"
her husband Mike, asked smiling.

"Next time," Karen replied.
"I'm writing to General Motors!"


I should have known better than to take my
four-year-old son shopping with me. I spent
the entire time in the mall chasing after him.
Finally, I'd had it. "Do you want a stranger
to take you?!" I scolded.

Thrilled, he yelled back, "Will he take me to
the zoo?"

 


While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept

him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore,

the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

When he was almost there, he asked the guy,

"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

 


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